Mother May I – a late birthday poem to my dear mother

Mother, may I write you a poem -
A song of love from me to you,
Although late in bringing?

Mother, may I tell of your care -
Your constant kindness and endless empathy,
Extended ever towards me?

You feel my sorrows, you share my pain,
You help me see, you enlighten my day.
You work and do good even when no one cares,
You give yourself to service, unaware that

Every act of kindness is eternally impacting,
Acting like a crack in the fabric of the universe,
First forcing hope through the hole to console souls the world over,
Then wholly lighting up the face of God Almighty.

Rightly then you should expect me to do the same.
And endless blame, and endless blame
Awaits my fame – or infamy – for I did not see, I did not plan
And here I make it up again.

Three days late.
Three days, but I didn’t know the effect of my lack.
Three days late.
Three days, and I hope now I can take it back.

Mother, may I call you dear?
For that is what you are to me,
Even when time slips through my fingers.

Mother, may I find you here -
Here for me and here in my heart,
Not leaving despite failures?

I am here for you, I am not leaving
My heart is yours, despite it seeming
Torn between two worlds,
One here and one in Michigan

And here again, the problem is one of planning,
Ever last minute, missing the most monumental matters.
Matter of fact, you deserve the best.
So best back myself back onto those tracks,

Tracking down my doubtful practices,
Precisely enticing them to go hence,
Over the fence, over the fence,
Where I can see you and you can see me.

Three days late.
Three days, but I hope you see I love you.
Three days late.
Three days, and your love has always surrounded me.

Here’s to you, mom!
God’s made you especially special,
Specially made for me.
You send us snacks,
Taking up so much of your time to show your love.
I hope as time goes on I can do more of the same.
I’m no good at planning, but God can help me to get better,
Or at least to make an exception for you.
Because you’re exceptional. =)

With love,

Your son,
Ryan

Hawk Song

Lord, I ain’t got no more ideas
Everything I do turns into trash
My hopes rise and rise to highest heights
But then I’m catapulted into devastating failure

All my dreams crush like ice under pressure
The lostness of my mind is beyond my understanding
I’m standing on You -
No, I’m falling
Falling on my knees,
God would You please
Take away my pride?
Oh wait, You did that already
You did that just now
And how, how… how did I fall?

I thought I was flying high,
Soaring like a hawk,
Caught quick in a bad trap,
Smack dab in the middle of
All that I was dreaming of
And somewhere inside the love
Was a lovelessness – I can’t resist

Nah, I’m drawn in,
But I’m drawn out
An’ it ain’t a good picture
I pictured a firm fixture
But my mind wasn’t fixed on
Only one song
‘Cause I wanted to be careful,
Not wanting the song to fade away
And be replaced
By a catchier tune

Ah, but carefulness turned out to be a nest without care
And my hawk-song was drowned out
I feel like I’ been cast out
Drowning and drowning in all my doubts
And I wonder if anyone will ever hear me
Oh God, it’s my desperate plea

Time after time after time after time
I’ve felt more love than ever before
But it looks like I make myself out to be a whore
Or more, very well, I really don’t know
It’s like there’s a twisted mind with a cruel, cruel joke
Laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing
As the clock ticks ever so slowly
Tick… tock… tick… tock…
And all the world stops
And I see those demon eyes
He thought they were disguised
But I see through the lies

And I know – I KNOW -
He’s out to get me
He wants to tear apart my flesh,
Rip me limb from limb
And this limb I’m perching on
Doesn’t feel very strong
Give me one good wind -
SNAP! – and I’m gone

Oh! To fall doesn’t feel very good at all
Oh… But I’ve gotten good at it

I WISH I could be good at loving You,
My mighty Savior, my God from my youth
I WISH I could rise up and speak the truth
But I fear the truth would lead me to suffering
I fear the truth and all it brings

But what do You say?
“The truth will set you free”
How, oh God??
How am I ever to come to grips with this?
Open my mouth, oh God, and let it pour forth -
All the truth I’ve been holding back -
And what’s more,
I want my focus to be on Your Son
I want all that’s bogus to be over and done

My wings are wounded,
I’ve fallen too far
And of all the pain that’s been drawn from my heart,
I’m not sure what’s the worst part
To be rejected – ah, it happens all the time
But that doesn’t make it feel better
No, I wonder
If it wasn’t such a feeling that reciprocated at me
After I had drowned out another
In the sorrow I now feel

What is real?
I’m finding it incredibly hard to affirm the reality of anything
But I know You, God
At least that’s something
Something far greater than me
Something far greater than love
‘Cause it finds its ultimate source and center in You
And through You, through You,
I will take to the skies again

Concert videos up on YouTube!

Hey folkies! =)

SO! The concert went really well. Anddd I have videos to prove it!

Check it out! Ethnicity concert in Wayne, NJ

Enjoy! I’ve got the whole stinkin’ concert up on there! So you best be appreciative!! Haha.

Peace, home dogs!

Ryan

My first album, The Moonlit Sunrise!

I am so stoked, you guys!! I’ve finally got my first Ethnicity album all made. =) I’m burning the first batch of CDs as I type. It’s gonna blow your mind – either in a good way or a bad way. ;-) I love it, but it does have some pretty freaky vibes at times. I’ll let you decide. The official release date is August 21st (two days from now), but you can listen to the whole album online at this link:

Ethnicity – The Moonlit Sunrise

Enjoy, y’all! Let’s see what minds can be blown…

Ryan

Concert In New Jersey!!

What do you get when you combine theatrical metal, acoustic contemporary, and progressive rock all under the heading of Biblical truths? You get Ethnicity, a Christian artist shining Light down from his Homeland, piercing into the infinite abyss of the Black Hole. The forces of darkness have too long consumed this world, and it’s time to step out of the shadows! Are you afraid of the Light?

Yes, how about that, huh? I’m doing a concert in two weeks! I’m wonderfully excited. =) It’s my first time performing as Ethnicity, my new artist identity, so it’s gonna be rockin’! This has been my summer project, and it’s finally approaching! Are you ready to stand against the dark horde? Ready or not, here they come.

Click here for all the details: Ethnicity Concert Info

Ignorance of the Apparent

We always look at things from our perspective. We see the world through our eyes. We think thoughts and are not conscious of the thoughts of others. Unspoken Certainty. Oblivious Ignorance. Oblivious Self-Absorption. We are absorbed with ourselves. We don’t see through other people’s eyes. Left is only left in reference to our vantage point. It takes thinking to associate left with another’s reference point. Mental Transformation. This is not wrong, but it deserves recognition. Other people have totally different ways of thinking about the world. Although, we all have influence constantly assaulting our minds and shaping our perceptions, ideas and ideals. The things which are most familiar are the things least questioned. The things with which we are in constant contact are given the least thought. They become Granted Assumptions. Unquestionable Certainties.

It’s like in the world of music. I see it all the time. People in the Western world are self-consumed thinking that all music just has to be made up of 12 equally-spaced pitches. It’s such a taken-for-granted thought that half the people that see my last sentence don’t even know what I’m saying. Music people, even, will say, “What? OF COURSE music uses those pitches! Those are the pitches you can use!” Yeah? Why? Seriously, has it ever even crossed your mind to question why music must use those pitches? There is no reason but Cultural Acclimation. People do things a certain way for so long and you never see someone do it a different way so you believe NO ONE can do it the other way!

But guess what! Other worlds are out there. And other worlds outside this US of A are constantly involved with pitch-systems completely separated from our 12-tone system. Turkey, Indonesia, Africa, India, even people WITHIN our America are involved with microtonalism. And probably the 90% of them also HAVE NO CLUE that they’re composing “microtonally”. THAT is the the norm for them! Heh, it just goes right back to Self-Centralism and it being “All I’ve Ever Known”. The cure for all this is not to say one way of doing things is right and the other is wrong, but to simply acknowledge the existence of both. And once you do that, you can even come beyond that idea to understand there are possibilities extending beyond the knowns and assumptions of cultures on into experimental territory. Spectralism, xenharmonic music, all kinds of things.

And by the way, this all applies to time signatures (and rhythms in general) as well! The West tends to use 4/4 for a good majority of music, plus some 3/4, 6/8 and traces of 12/8 and other little things. But other cultures like Bulgaria often use “odd time signatures” like 5/8, 7/8, 11/8, 5/4, 7/4 and others. There is no right or wrong with this. The only problem is Comfort Zone and Resources. What can your audience digest? Can that be changed? And do you have the tools to change it?

These thoughts, by the way, are based in part off of a post by Derek Sivers: http://sivers.org/fish
Except I added in the music correlation. =)

Whether others join me or not, I’m here to explore new realms of musical creativity. Expanded Horizons.

A Time

Here’s an intro poem thing I wrote for The Writer…

—

A time,
When time itself shuddered in the darkness,
When empty vastness filled the chasm,
When all the world stood endlessly silent,
What world there was
As yet one word was spoken:

“Let there be light!”
And the darkness surrendered;
Divided in two,
Now these names were rendered:
The light was called Day,
And the darkness was Night,
Forever a division of diametric spite

Two powers opposed like a brother gone bad
And badly to stain the perfection then had
A world at war, though invisibly seen;
A dark nightmare, an oiled machine

Yet in those first moments the Writer stood fast,
Perfection in His power, a pen in His grasp
And graspingly, thinkingly, ever so sure,
The Writer set out with His greatest grandeur…

Vincerò!

Summer is beginning. What a great thing! Time to spend with family and friends away from the hustle and bustle of school; warm air and sunshine; going for walks, runs and bike rides. All of it is a great step away from the pace of the school year. Unfortunately, summer has its own hustle and bustle of a different variety – VBS, leading worship at church, going to different places in the US to visit family or friends or see some show or conference, helping my bro with his yoyo website (yes, I’m plugging it: rethinkyoyo.com =)) – but one of the biggest question marks hanging over my head in this moment is my show.

I set out this summer to work on my show. Now most people call their musical event a “concert,” but not so with me because I’m not aiming only to do a “concert” – some conglomerate of songs stuck together – but something wider in scope. I don’t want to just sing songs that have no connection to one another; I want my whole show to be a story unfolding, where each song highlights a particular moment in the narrative. Songs, yes, but also acting, dance, poetry, narrative – a grand “show.” =D

Now what’s the problem then? Why the question mark in my mind? I’m just at a loss in so many ways. I only basically have me right now to do this, and the way things look, I’m gonna need a lot more than just me on that stage to accomplish all my thoughts. And I don’t know if it’s me or the devil, but I keep hearing over and over that I just don’t have what it takes to get this done; that I can’t get all the show pieces together, that I can’t arrange things in a way that makes sense, that I can’t improve my voice, that I can’t get the show done in time.

All these thoughts are barreling me down, but I know it’s not how God would have me think. Just the fact that I’m facing this attack makes me feel like I’m on the verge of something great, something greater than I’ve ever known. The devil is scared that I’ll get closer to realizing my purpose; that I’ll be a light in this dark world to hurting souls. And seriously, when has God ever let me down? Just over the school year, He came through in ways I couldn’t have imagined, often sorting all the pieces together at the last minute – saving the day just in the nick of time. ‘Cause God is epic like that. =)

I’m realizing I need help. Fortunately now, if no one else, I’ve got my bro. He just reminded me of that today, probably accidentally, when he told me that he had gone through all my songs and analyzed them to help me figure out where to put them in the show. He wants me to analyze them, too, and compare with him, but it’s still a great help. I can tell he wants me to succeed. What blessings God has provided me! With His strength I’ll succeed. Vincerò!! =D

We’re in the fight of our lives,
With unseen forces on every side.
Do we see their evil eyes?
Do we hear their cackling cries?

Everyone wants to live in simplicity:
“I can’t be bothered with your nonsense;
I sense nothing but a pretense.”
But sensibly seeing they miss the transcendent,
A present bent of evil sent
To censor our souls and corrupt our cares,
That caring may snare us into a trap.

Divinity takes you by the hand,
The world unraveling like a strand,
You think you can waltz right in;
You’re struck down with fervid chagrin

The hording mass of black proclaims lucidity,
Not in revealing themselves but in reflecting only light.
Their vestige of darkness is veiled by the mind.
When will we realize their evil schemes?

Look deep into the night,
Turn your eyes toward the skies
And realize that you are not alone.
Feel the chills rush down your spine
As looking up into the sky
You see… a face.

A face out of place amid the stars and blackest deep,
A face that seems screamingly familiar,
With shrieks of despair feignly conceived
To relieve you of the duties of your soul.

This face is the black hole,
The absence of all that is right – a dominion -
The devil himself,
And his legion of minions.

He’s winking at you now;
He’s nearer than you feel.
Subtlety is power,
Obscurity ideal.

The shroud is only lifted
By a Heavenly word.
Oh how Heaven is needed!
And Heaven’s sword!

The sword of the Spirit,
The word of the Lamb,
The power of God,
That great I AM,
Shattering through the forces of evil,
Held in the hands of his saints as they stand
Unwaveringly ready,
Blood on their hands.

A blood not of others, but blood from the fight,
Staining themselves with the wounds they ignite -
Ignited by passion, shot down from below.
If ever you’ve thought to see a ghost,
Now’s the time, for they lurk in the shadows,
Firing out their deceptive arrows.
They never call out, only whisper in secret.
“They’ll never see us. We can’t be defeated!”

Shining… stopping…
Hearing like a first time,
Seeing with unveiled eyes,
I join the royal congregation.

Armed alongside the army,
Armor faithfully protecting,
Ardor constantly injecting
A charming harbor
Of peace in the psyche
Even within assailing bedlam
Because of that Lamb
Who’s bipolar identity is a Lion,
Savagely tearing the foes in front,
Leading us on, ever on,
To victory

All I Can Do

Dear Father,

I am dying.

I’m losing heart;
I’m losing my mind.
My dreams are breaking before me.

The worst part is uncertainty.
The worst part is wondering if it was me.

All this for a standstill.
All this hype and my heart is left in two pieces.
One piece says I failed -
I was inadequate -
The other piece says there’s still hope.

Is there still hope, Lord?

God, I see no better thing in all the world.
Things beyond my wildest dreams are here;
And honestly, God, I don’t see how You can top this.
Yet, I can’t do anything without You;
And if You’re not in this, I lose.

Lord, O Lord Almighty,
Were You not in this before?
Did You not ordain all this?
Everything that was beyond my mind,
Beyond my doing,
Did You not provide it?

Then what is this, O God?
Why these endless trials?

Oh, thank You for trials, Lord!
I hate to say it, for my heart is heavy,
But I know it is true and have seen You before.

“We glory in tribulations also:
Knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
And patience, experience;
And experience, HOPE:
And hope maketh not ashamed;
Because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts
By the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” – Romans 5:3b-5

Can You give me a chance to speak, God?
I felt so helpless in a gridlock of uncertain rules.
“May I do this? May I say that?”
Can You give me wings to fly like I’ve flown before?
I don’t want my heart to ache anymore.
I was not free,
Yet was it my fault?

I know nothing, Lord.
I can only wait.
Please let this dammed up flood of thoughts
Come rushing out!
I need an avenue where none has been.

Before, oh blessed before, where did you go?
Then I could speak my deepest thoughts
Without all the confusion in my mind.
Then I was free to love and to laugh,
To wait and to wish, to dream and to see.
Before, oh blessed before, you cannot be gone forever!

Yet if it is so, what can I do?
I am not perfect;
Can You give me another chance?
You are perfect;
Would You give me one more dance?

Helpless I fall, where You found me before.
Helpless I fell, when You opened this door.
Do You open doors to slam them in my face?
Or will this resolve to show Your wisdom and grace?

Is there still hope?
Oh may it be true!
I know there’s always hope in You.
I trust You, God, though more scared than before.
I trust You, God;
It’s all I can do.

The Earth Spins No More

Waiting, waiting, waiting is mine,
My fate for a moment or two.
Time, time, time is sublime,
Yet it infuses all that we do.

We cannot escape it, never replace it,
Saying its powers are through.
No, it hovers above us, dwells here among us,
Impregnates our world with its views.

Viewing now, a new horizon,
Rising from the vast expanse.
Here for a moment am I,
Here at a crossroads I stand.

A chance to begin again,
Like rain falling on a thirsty ground,
Renewed after the summer’s drought,
Suddenly my eyes are open from the dead.

The sunrise upon a mountaintop.
The beauty of Your majestic face,
The sweetness of a lover’s embrace,
Splendors causing my heart to stop.

Ecstasy.

One…
Two…
Three…

Count the seconds pass;
Snatch the moments before they vanish.
Grasp them in your hands and never let them go,
As the world’s spin ’round its axis
Finally ceases
For a moment or two.
All the world, and all my heart, at a stop.

And stopping here, You step in,
And my world starts to begin…