Love Lighting a Lost, Lifeless Heart

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.” – 1 John 4:7-9

Leaving love lets loss of life lower relentlessly – hover horribly –
Upon the horrendously offended – now nearly-ended – hollowed heart,
Racing and beating, shaking and weak’ning,
Satan shortly defeating, ’til silently pleading
It pleads to God. And Heaven seeing,
It seizes the silent sight of Jesus,
Hanging, dying, then uprising,
All almost awesomely, auspiciously as if foretold,
To tell bold promises of hope.
The heart seeing then said,
“This loss of life, hovering horribly,
I must exchange for the hope I’ve now found.”

Returning, racing, Heaven-facing, pacing onward, to love,
Ransomed and renewed, fin’lly now here ridden of
Every aching pain powerfully offending there before,
‘Wakening to new life, God’s triumphal treasure store.
And what is more, it followed e’er the friendly feet of Jesus –
Now friendly, though not the friendliest before.
For what existed before was a monstrous heart,
Ever rebelling and ever dealing with the world –
Yes, the world – in the friendliest terms.
Terms which like worms fed upon all the dirty filth of the foul heart
And grew ever larger (though never less ugly)
Until the whole heart squirmed like that worm and fed upon darkness.

Thank God for His blessed Light! A striking sight,
Striking and piercing through the blackest hell of that heart,
Like a Heavenly dart, all powerfully asserting certainly
That this heart belonged to love.
Luminous Lord of earth and air,
Loving Light, we come to Your care
And e’er we see both a God and a Friend,
A saving Jesus, who came and bled,
A forgiving Father, sitting mighty, enthroned,
A comforting Spirit, who strengthens His own.
And owning up to our sin, we begin
To let love lovingly enter again.

“In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” – 1 John 4:10

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God’s Grand Master Watch

I don’t know Your will, Father;
I don’t know Your time.
Your time is blessed;
Your timing confounds me,
Yet it frees me from my heartache
And comes to my rescue when I am helpless.

Your Grand Master Watch ticks slower than my clock,
And my hands are too small to hold Your schedule;
But Your hands are big enough
To hold me – and everyone I encounter.
You’ve “got the whole world in Your hands,”
And I marvel at Your excellence.
The skill of Your craftsmanship is impeccable,
And here I stand as part of it.

My eyes are too evil to behold Your glory;
My heart is too black to know Your love.
But You made my eyes to see again
And turned my heart to purest light.

Recklessness and Overthinking

I think too much. No, I don’t think too much, but I don’t act on those thoughts enough. I think of great ideas, and I love it. But then other thoughts arise in my mind like weeds and choke down my great ideas; choke down my last ounce of strength.

Somehow I always know what is right. But I also always manage to come up with some excuse, some reason not to do what is right. Oh Father, when I push that reason aside – no, when I push through in spite of those reasons – God, those are the best moments! That’s where real life change – or, at least, real life impact – occurs.

Sometimes, these moments almost vanish or morph so that they can no longer be called “moments” – they become my way of living, without fear and with great joy… if only for a day. Usually it’s lack of sleep that does it. ;-) But those are some of my favorite days, ’cause I don’t fear what others will think.

One of my favorite Bible verses (Oh Lord, you know I’ve got to think of it more!) is Proverbs 29:25, which says, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” God, if I’m fearing man, what does that say about my trust in You?

I’ve come to realize that this must be my personal “thorn in the flesh”. ‘Cause I’ve had this issue for so many years, and it ain’t goin’ away no matter how much I complain to God about it. So Father, bring me to my knees. Help me seek You and not rely on my own strength. I want to change; I want to grow. Honestly, I want to have fun, and brighten people’s days. I’m sick of being the reserved one all the time. I don’t need to be, and I have all these great ideas; and even if I could be making the slightest impact in another person’s life, it would be worth it.

One of the reasons I wanted to go to college (eventually wanted to go to college) was so that I could be a new person. I was sick of living as “me”, ’cause “me” wasn’t me anymore. All the people I knew knew me a certain way, and I’m trying to change that perception now with the college people. But, that’s the thing, too. I don’t want to just change people’s perception of me. I want to actually change the way I live to be in line with who I am and let people have whatever perception they want.

I love performing and being on stage and being a random idiot. I’m realizing it more and more. I just wish I could apply some of that recklessness to my life – to think those good thoughts and say, “OH! That’s a great idea! Let’s do that!! Fun, fun, here we go!” – rather than thinking and thinking and never acting.

So enough thinking! It’s time for action! …Well, it’s time for bed, actually. Eh, I get all pumped up and then I have to go to bed. But, so is the way it goes. Goodnight all you crazy people! …all one or two of you.

The Redwood of Shining Glory and the Bug of Wisdom

My life, a masterpiece,
Carved by the hand of Almighty God,
My shelter in the storm,
My source of light, of life.
I love life, I love my world.
I love the colors, magnificent.

Beaming so tall and mighty are You, God,
Like the Redwood trees, if they could shine holy light;
If their tops that pierce the skies
Could dwell in Your heavenly place
And their roots reach to the depths of hell.

Certain ones, a certain one,
My eyes see and I begin to wonder,
“Is this my place? Is this to be my home?”
But Your mind has concealed it
For a time.
It is underneath Your jar,
As if the knowledge were a bug trapped,
Only to be released outside in due time.
Release the bug, Lord!
Shower me with wisdom!
Increase my intellect, increase my love.

I fail and have failed,
But You remain faithful.
Your whisper caresses my ear,
But I am prone to shrug it off in haste.
“Surely I know better than the Lord of glory!
Surely He is mad! And I have come out on top.”

Restlessness, bitter restlessness.
Oh, the cold! Save me from the cold chill!
My heart yearns for warmth
And my eyes for a comforting sight.
But forsaking Your voice, I only find disillusionment.
It’s my pride, isn’t it? My wretched selfishness!
I groan inside. I weep inside.
Outside, no one can see.
But they see I don’t care,
When all I ever wanted was to care deeply,
To care like You cared for me.