Wrestling with God in the Storm of my Mind

Okay, so this poem is a bit more avant garde than what I normally write. It was all basically train of thought, without me trying to make things neat or make too much sense (though, reading back over it, it sort of does make sense). Enjoy!

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Chaos, disruption. All a blur.
Moving through life at a frenzied pace.
Where is my God? Where did I leave Him?
He’s here? No! This is my space, this is my time!

A voice, a whisper among my thoughts:
“Busyness will overtake your life.
I am enough. Just be with me.”

Who are you, Lord?
My way is enough. Tag along if you desire.
But I’ll go my way,
Whether you come or not.

He came. He kept coming. Always there.
Never a source of trouble.
Life was. Life was my source of trouble.
Kept running, I kept running.
Running!
Run!!

I collapse. Who? Me. What was left of me. What I had become.
But He was there. He followed me in my collapse.

His hand reached to me.
But I turned my head in weary disgust.

He collapsed.
By my side.
How was I to know what this meant?
Chaos. Yet in my mind a horrible storm overtook me.
And there was blackness. Transported.
Suddenly standing in a different realm.
Swirling clouds, lightning flash.
My mind an escape from the storm.
No. I lived in it.

Each day, night, separation from what I believed.
From Who I believed.
God! Where did you go?
No longer by my side,
I’m lost in the black swirling death of my mind.

I awake.
Jesus Christ at my side,
Laying with me,
Where we had been all along.

“Save me from my confusion, from my deluded purpose.
My frightful existence.”

His voice, it called out to mine.
A filtered whisper. What do you say?
What do you say?!
It’s my initiation! My purpose, my life.
But no.
His voice to mine: “I am.” All was this word.
Smiling He lit up the storm in my head with a thousand suns,
‘Til even my face lighted with joy.

He reached out His hand.
I grasped it in mine.

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