Desperate for Restoration

Desperate times call for desperate measures,
And hardly a time have I known more desperate than this.

Desperately I want to see your life restored –
A friend so loved, now so lost;
A breaking, raging soul,
Sold out to hate what once it loved.
And the worst of it is that I’m the cause.

Desperately I was trying to please you;
Desperately I longed to do only what was right.
But in the thick of it my decisions were clouded by night.
And even with all the strength I could muster,
I was mastered by darkness.

Desperate to win me, it wooed me in,
And the mouths in all directions spoke a different word.
And my ears were clogged to hear the truth.
And my eyes saw only the treasures I longed for.
And my feet hastened into suffering.
And my hands held the sword of my undoing.
And my heart marched to the beat of defeat.
In my holy pursuit, I was wholly defiled.

Desperately now I look up to Mercy,
Praying He’ll come and in His arms intertwine me.
But more than that – oh, so much more –
I pray He’ll right what I have made wrong;
That His love would flow freely,
As once did His blood;
That He’ll shine down with favor
And restore.
Restore.
Restore.

Restoration is a slippery thing.
It is not in my power to grasp it.
I try to take all my “desperate measures,”
I try to heal hearts with my “good nature,”
And I fail.
That’s why I look outside myself.

Restoration comes from God alone.
He chooses whom He wishes to save,
He decides even the untimely fate.
That’s why I plead for His grace!
‘Cause He’s the only one who can save me now.

“Desperate for You, God, I humble my heart.
I realize I’m to blame, in part.
So take all my shame
And set me up on my feet;
Heal the wounds that strike so deep
And show us Your restoration.
Restore us, God.
Restore us.
We are desperate for restoration.”

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Enough!

Oh why should I sigh at another’s jubilance?
Why should I weep as they break into song?
Dancing on their merry way,
Holding hands on this blessed day,
While my heart is torn in shreds again.

Oh God, set me free.
May this terrible tearing rip me from my shackles!
May I live to see You and stop focusing on fables!

I do not deny I’ve been blind.
I do not deny I’ve been tied down in so many ways
When I thought this season my ties would break…

Oh, miserable, wretched man that I am!
To push and sway to get my way,
When the getting’s already been taken!
To love and lose and try to choose
A good path,
But at long last,
I’m defeated.

But I know You will brighten defeat,
Though it gnaws at my teeth
And grimaces the grin I once wore.
Though sour is the taste, I know Your sweet grace
Goes above the raging fountains I ignore.
…Try to ignore.

I wanted to be free –
Here’s my freedom, plain and pure!
Though ugly is the day,
Painted black with deepest stains,
I’ll tread on, though falling is the theme.

Oh God, will You be alone with me?

I don’t want to see those dark faces,
Smiling in their happy places,
Grinning in a winning kind of way…
It makes me wish my soul the better –
To have what is not mine to tether;
To wish upon a star that never shines.

Make my heart ache with intenesest groanings
So that after I despise my loathings
I’ll come out on the other side anew,
No longer controlled by ill-placed desires
That rage within me and exhaustedly tire
My body wracked in sorrows on the floor.
…Striving for more.

I don’t want to want more, God.
I don’t want to need love.
I just want to hear from You, God,
And know that You’re enough.

Oh, tame this lion heart, God!
Make me a humble child of Yours.
Give me wholly to Your purpose.
Help me to love when loving hurts.

And God, this hurts.

Who can I talk to?
I have no one but You.
Who can I run to?
You pick me up in Your arms.
…Revive my broken heart!

I don’t want to want more, God.
I don’t want to need love.
I just want to hear from You, God,
And know that You’re enough.

Oh, please, be enough.
Let the clamoring voices in silence fall as You speak:

“Enough!”