Hawk Song

Lord, I ain’t got no more ideas
Everything I do turns into trash
My hopes rise and rise to highest heights
But then I’m catapulted into devastating failure

All my dreams crush like ice under pressure
The lostness of my mind is beyond my understanding
I’m standing on You –
No, I’m falling
Falling on my knees,
God would You please
Take away my pride?
Oh wait, You did that already
You did that just now
And how, how… how did I fall?

I thought I was flying high,
Soaring like a hawk,
Caught quick in a bad trap,
Smack dab in the middle of
All that I was dreaming of
And somewhere inside the love
Was a lovelessness – I can’t resist

Nah, I’m drawn in,
But I’m drawn out
An’ it ain’t a good picture
I pictured a firm fixture
But my mind wasn’t fixed on
Only one song
‘Cause I wanted to be careful,
Not wanting the song to fade away
And be replaced
By a catchier tune

Ah, but carefulness turned out to be a nest without care
And my hawk-song was drowned out
I feel like I’ been cast out
Drowning and drowning in all my doubts
And I wonder if anyone will ever hear me
Oh God, it’s my desperate plea

Time after time after time after time
I’ve felt more love than ever before
But it looks like I make myself out to be a whore
Or more, very well, I really don’t know
It’s like there’s a twisted mind with a cruel, cruel joke
Laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing
As the clock ticks ever so slowly
Tick… tock… tick… tock…
And all the world stops
And I see those demon eyes
He thought they were disguised
But I see through the lies

And I know – I KNOW –
He’s out to get me
He wants to tear apart my flesh,
Rip me limb from limb
And this limb I’m perching on
Doesn’t feel very strong
Give me one good wind –
SNAP! – and I’m gone

Oh! To fall doesn’t feel very good at all
Oh… But I’ve gotten good at it

I WISH I could be good at loving You,
My mighty Savior, my God from my youth
I WISH I could rise up and speak the truth
But I fear the truth would lead me to suffering
I fear the truth and all it brings

But what do You say?
“The truth will set you free”
How, oh God??
How am I ever to come to grips with this?
Open my mouth, oh God, and let it pour forth –
All the truth I’ve been holding back –
And what’s more,
I want my focus to be on Your Son
I want all that’s bogus to be over and done

My wings are wounded,
I’ve fallen too far
And of all the pain that’s been drawn from my heart,
I’m not sure what’s the worst part
To be rejected – ah, it happens all the time
But that doesn’t make it feel better
No, I wonder
If it wasn’t such a feeling that reciprocated at me
After I had drowned out another
In the sorrow I now feel

What is real?
I’m finding it incredibly hard to affirm the reality of anything
But I know You, God
At least that’s something
Something far greater than me
Something far greater than love
‘Cause it finds its ultimate source and center in You
And through You, through You,
I will take to the skies again