Life thoughts after watching “The Song”

From a journal entry on August 28, 2016, Sunday, after watching the movie, “The Song,” about King Solomon’s life in a modern portrayal.


I look back on the simple days,
Before “cool” things or trying to be unique,
Back when I didn’t know any better
And life was a mystery;

When love for You meant writing simple words,
In the hope I could set them to a tune;
The days before production + perfection,
Special niches and education in marketing,
When all that mattered was You + me.

I didn’t know any better back then,
And I almost wish I didn’t know any better now.
I wrote from the heart,
And it didn’t always matter if it rhymed.

They say not to call them the “good old days,”
But sometimes I need to remind myself why I’m alive.

It’s not for me,
It’s not for money,
It’s not for getting the girls,
Being popular,
Or having my own unique spin on life.

It’s all about You, Jesus.
I’m sorry for thinking otherwise.

Set me back on the good course.
Strip away the extra things
That distract me from Your Name.
Oh, speak to me, God,
And make it clear what I must do.
I don’t want to be cool,
I want to follow You.

So I’ll set my screaming aside
And put away my dreams of being a rock star;
I’ll stop the cryptic language
And speak clearly from my heart.

I think You’re calling me to tear away
Other things I don’t want to give up.
Oh, change my heart and make it like Yours.
Make me restless to do Your will.
Set my soul on fire for Your Name.
Burn me with the pain
Of desiring to know You more.

Keep my eyes from distractions,
And hold my hand, oh God.
I am weak, and my feet are prone to slip.
I can’t even breathe without You;
How can I live without You?

And even in this my heart finds
The twisted purpose to pursue my aims!

May my songs see no sunlight,
May my voice choke in my throat,
Unless my only boast
Is in Christ my King.

Jesus, sweetest Name on the earth;
Jesus, dwelling in Heaven’s majesty,
“What a travesty,” some may say,
To make Yourself a curse
For my everlasting gain.

Grace, marvelous grace!
But for that grace I’d be long since lost.
Oh how grateful I am for the cross!

These words of my heart are coming to a close,
But the tune of Your voice through eternity rolls,
And some sweet day I’ll sing it afresh with You.
What a marvelous day!
‘Til then,
Inhabit my heart with Your song.

Amen.


(And, continuing later that night…)


…My new album is going to be called:

“Back To The Basics”

The premise is to return to the
Simplicity that’s found in Christ,
The natural beauty of who He is
And who He’s made me to be.

No microtonalism,
No metal,
No screaming,
No hard toiling after the wind

— only the simple beauty of a heart in love with Jesus.

People don’t care about the spit + polish,
Much less does God care.
He just wants my heart.

Ryan Vegh


(And continuing one more time that night…)

It’s time I honor my parents…
My parents prefer my hair short.
My parents prefer my beard trimmed/shaved.
My parents prefer me not to do metal screaming.

Why do I like to go against what they desire?

Break me, Holy Spirit,
And shape me into the image of Jesus.
Make me like You, oh God,
That we may be one,
Even as You are one.


Thus ends the journal entry… Certainly, as you can see, the movie “The Song” stirred up a lot of thoughts in my heart. If you have not seen this movie before, go ahead and check it out. It helps you to see the harsh reality of life and realize what is truly most important. Men and women can screw up and fail, but God is ever faithful.

Amen.

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Thinking

Oh, how I miss, on most days,
the chance to think!
To sit in silent reflection,
To ponder the infinite cosmos
of whim, and fancy, and fact.
To laugh at the odds of inconceivable chance,
To let my mind run wild,
and free my mind to dance!

Then I see an open chasm
in which I can dive headlong,
or into which I can endlessly pile
new ideas which stick
along some wall or rock
and present grand avenues
of exploration and achievement.

To go where no mind has gone before!
Or rather, to discover the Creator’s blessed shore.
For though I might think to be the first to clear the brush,
yet His footprints I find e’er before me!

“Where can I flee from Your presence?”
Indeed, even my mind is no escape.
For thought itself is a gift from Your hand,
and no avenue newly uncovered
has not been explored by Your gaze.

Yet raise us up to think more and grander!
In seeking truth, surely You will return as the answer.
But if in ignorance we continue in our fancies,
little caring if we are right or wrong
–nay, giving the question no thought at all–
we are deserving of a judgment.
But worse yet the judgment
for those who take the time to think
yet turn their back on the answer
after it has appeared!
For what reason would there be to do such a thing,
unless we didn’t like that Answer?

Desperate for Restoration

Desperate times call for desperate measures,
And hardly a time have I known more desperate than this.

Desperately I want to see your life restored –
A friend so loved, now so lost;
A breaking, raging soul,
Sold out to hate what once it loved.
And the worst of it is that I’m the cause.

Desperately I was trying to please you;
Desperately I longed to do only what was right.
But in the thick of it my decisions were clouded by night.
And even with all the strength I could muster,
I was mastered by darkness.

Desperate to win me, it wooed me in,
And the mouths in all directions spoke a different word.
And my ears were clogged to hear the truth.
And my eyes saw only the treasures I longed for.
And my feet hastened into suffering.
And my hands held the sword of my undoing.
And my heart marched to the beat of defeat.
In my holy pursuit, I was wholly defiled.

Desperately now I look up to Mercy,
Praying He’ll come and in His arms intertwine me.
But more than that – oh, so much more –
I pray He’ll right what I have made wrong;
That His love would flow freely,
As once did His blood;
That He’ll shine down with favor
And restore.
Restore.
Restore.

Restoration is a slippery thing.
It is not in my power to grasp it.
I try to take all my “desperate measures,”
I try to heal hearts with my “good nature,”
And I fail.
That’s why I look outside myself.

Restoration comes from God alone.
He chooses whom He wishes to save,
He decides even the untimely fate.
That’s why I plead for His grace!
‘Cause He’s the only one who can save me now.

“Desperate for You, God, I humble my heart.
I realize I’m to blame, in part.
So take all my shame
And set me up on my feet;
Heal the wounds that strike so deep
And show us Your restoration.
Restore us, God.
Restore us.
We are desperate for restoration.”

An Overturned Lantern

A lit candle atop an overturned lantern,
The lantern smashed; its dim light was grimly seen
A broken pattern, my hope’s been aptly shattered,
But still a dying candle illuminates the unlit scene

I see it now, my life’s been completely reborn
The fading embers aren’t remembered when they hit the floor
I watched with eyes wide, my mind’s in a hollow disgust
It looks like all my past intentions passed me when they bit the dust

Oh! A mouth full of blasphemous sand!
I thought that chewing on the memories would lead me to the promised land
But that was just a mirage; now I’m dying of thirst
God, You gotta come and fill me up ’til I’m tot’lly submersed.

And send a curse to the lies that I keep believin’!
Snip the strings that Satan’s got me on to do his biddin’,
Pullin’ me all over, ’til I’m dizzy, unsure of everything that I really ought to live for
I try to take a breath, but I haven’t found a cure

I pass out atop the stairs
If I’m fallin’, I am unaware
The voices tell me that I should be scared
If I’m fallin’, I am unaware

It’s a moment where I need to trust
Forget the life of only “us”
Your voice tells me that I must
Forget the life of only “us”

Enough!

Oh why should I sigh at another’s jubilance?
Why should I weep as they break into song?
Dancing on their merry way,
Holding hands on this blessed day,
While my heart is torn in shreds again.

Oh God, set me free.
May this terrible tearing rip me from my shackles!
May I live to see You and stop focusing on fables!

I do not deny I’ve been blind.
I do not deny I’ve been tied down in so many ways
When I thought this season my ties would break…

Oh, miserable, wretched man that I am!
To push and sway to get my way,
When the getting’s already been taken!
To love and lose and try to choose
A good path,
But at long last,
I’m defeated.

But I know You will brighten defeat,
Though it gnaws at my teeth
And grimaces the grin I once wore.
Though sour is the taste, I know Your sweet grace
Goes above the raging fountains I ignore.
…Try to ignore.

I wanted to be free –
Here’s my freedom, plain and pure!
Though ugly is the day,
Painted black with deepest stains,
I’ll tread on, though falling is the theme.

Oh God, will You be alone with me?

I don’t want to see those dark faces,
Smiling in their happy places,
Grinning in a winning kind of way…
It makes me wish my soul the better –
To have what is not mine to tether;
To wish upon a star that never shines.

Make my heart ache with intenesest groanings
So that after I despise my loathings
I’ll come out on the other side anew,
No longer controlled by ill-placed desires
That rage within me and exhaustedly tire
My body wracked in sorrows on the floor.
…Striving for more.

I don’t want to want more, God.
I don’t want to need love.
I just want to hear from You, God,
And know that You’re enough.

Oh, tame this lion heart, God!
Make me a humble child of Yours.
Give me wholly to Your purpose.
Help me to love when loving hurts.

And God, this hurts.

Who can I talk to?
I have no one but You.
Who can I run to?
You pick me up in Your arms.
…Revive my broken heart!

I don’t want to want more, God.
I don’t want to need love.
I just want to hear from You, God,
And know that You’re enough.

Oh, please, be enough.
Let the clamoring voices in silence fall as You speak:

“Enough!”

A Simple Bedtime Poem

In the interest of time,
I will close my eyes
And drift off to sleep
To awake peacefully

And in the morning
I’ll smile at the glory
Of God’s love so grand
And His spectacular plan

I’ll exercise
And focus my eyes
On good things
And on worry-free wings
I’ll fly

And God will show me His grace
And lead me to the best place
He’ll help me to grow,
Teach me all I need to know

So when I sleep again
With a deep breath I’ll take in
The good memories of the day
How God was with me all the way

Sadness, cutting sadness

Sadness, cutting sadness
To see the people around me
Hurting so very deeply

Madness, utter madness
To look for pleasure in things
That only prove temporary

Oh why this restlessness in the soul?
Why the striking down of towering hope?
Why the weeping, wailing, endless groan?

Savages, mindless savages!
That’s what we are
As we tear apart each other

Friendship, blessed friendship!
Can we return to this
And learn to love our brother?

Oh why do we hide behind happy faces?
Why the secrecy that hinders flowing graces?
Why do we think we can just make excuses?

It’s not enough.
It’s never been enough.

If we want real life,
We must come to the light
And be exposed
For who we really are,
All broken apart.

Pieces, shattered pieces
God can pick us up
And put us back together

Faithful, ever faithful
Nothing’s greater than
The Savior and His love

Oh what grace has been given at the cross!
What blessings freely bestowed at great cost!
What part can I play to save a world that is lost?

Hopeless, desperately hopeless
You’ve called to me
To go and reach these weary souls

Savior, gentle Savior
Lead me on
As I follow You… home